• Jennifer Barnick

Get in the Zone

Growing up there was an ad campaign for a company called Hair Club for Men, and in their constantly airing commercials they showed all types of shiny, nearly miraculous transformations of sad balding men turning into hirsute James Bonds playing in pools, flying around in jet skis, and hopping out of hot rods in front of valet parking stands. And of course, in every hyper adventure, high status scene there was a whole bunch of tan sexy young women wearing very little. This whole Cinderfella montage was narrated by a pretty serious and handsome gentleman with, of course, a luxurious head of dark, wavy hair. In the end, we were treated to a shocking reveal…. Because the narrator says nobly and triumphantly (as in fooled you didn’t I), “I’m not only the President of Hair Club for men I’m one of its clients.” We were then treated to his before picture when he did not have hair on the top of his head.

Now, in truth gents if you must know most of us ladies do not think bald is unattractive, in fact, most of us think quite the opposite—don’t get me started on how much I heart Ben Bernanke (those big brown eyes! that shiny head!)—but that’s beyond the point I’m trying to make here.

Just like the president of Hair Club for Men I too am not just the president of Twenty-Two Twenty-Eight, but I am a client. I am a super fan of self-improvement. I am not only writing about, suggesting, and selling books that help, heal, and inspire in order to help you guys out—I too am looking for and devouring book after book with a hope that somehow, I will not only be fully enlightened but have a killer figure while I’m one with the universe.

Self-improvement can be as lofty as in practicing Taoist self-cultivation, learning to walk the way of the shaman or warrior in Native American culture, or taking the path of moral perfection found in many theistic religions. There are more earth-bound paths of self-improvement like losing weight, getting fit, learning how to take on the world as an entrepreneur, or how to have better, healthier, more sane relationships with your friends, family, and the world at large. Then there is the time for The Zone. The Zone is the time when perhaps you have been going a little too zealous—a little too far on your various profound and earthy fix-it quests and you find yourself exhausted and beleaguered on a big pile of should.

Well, when that happens I have a book with a plan for you: Tim and Eric’s Zone Theory: 7 Easy Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life. Gurus Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim put together an (envy-worthy) immaculate book trailer for their Zone Theory, so I think I’ll stop here. I will note, however, if any of you out there are already Zoning and are wondering where I am at with “adult horseplay” (part of the Zone Plan), I am on level one: unmasked not-nude horseplay. On level two it is masked, nude with such moves as “light palming”, “shoulder tussle”, and “reverse embrace”. Happy Hump Day Everyone.

Really Really Terrible Girls

Jennifer Barnick is a painter and writer. She studied painting at the San Francisco Art Institute. She founded Twenty-two Twenty-eight. “One of the most exciting aspects of Twenty-two Twenty-eight is building a channel for artists and writers to share their work with the world.”

Check out Jennifer’s book. You can read the first short story for free on Amazon here.

Really Really Terrible Girls